The Truth About KFC

WHAT YOU ARE TOLD

The company was founded as Kentucky Fried Chicken by Colonel Harland Sanders in 1952. Know primarily around the globe for it's Southern Fried chicken pieces, the fast food chain also offers a wide array of chicken related meals.

THE TRUTH

THE MAN

Colonel Harland Sanders is not the man you have all been lead to believe he is. For starters his rank of "Colonel" is not applied to his military status.

At the age of 24 Sanders 'served' in the armed forces, during the start of The Second World War, under the assumed name John Creston.

The brief time he spent in the US army was cut even shorter when 1st Luietnant Chuck Howard of Sarkins First Brigade, discovered Sanders was a German spy.

He was quickly put under military arrest, however was only in custody for a short period of time. Much was learned about Sanders true identity during interrogation. It turns out his name was Berchdich Stravardenhosen. He used to be a part of the SS and held the rank of Oberst. In namesake, the German equivilent of Colonel. Recognised for his cruelty to children and animals he quickly became famous in the SS.

At the time it was made know to his captors, what his mission was and plans the Germans had at the time. Whilst in confinement, he was broken out by the Germans and was escorted back to the fatherland.

From here we aren't exactly sure what happened, but it is assumed that the betrayal Stravardenhosen pledged to the US got him kicked out of the SS and banished from Germany.

About 10 years later Stravardenhosen made his return to America in North Corbin, Kentucky, where he preceded to open his fast food restaurant under the name Harland Sanders, today know as KFC.

FACTS

THE COLONEL IS NOT DEAD

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking:

Well, that's fine and all... IF YOU ARE HAPPY TO BELIEVE A LIE! It is a fact revealed in the movie SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER that Colonel Sanders was a part of the Pentavirate. A secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.

Although in the movie, the Colonel is referred to as being dead, this is not the case. The man faked his own death. It is not 100% know as to why he faked his own demise but several conspirisists believe it was harkened back to his military days.

But we are not here to discuss theories. We are here to talk about the facts and to expose the truth. Today it is still not know why these events took place, but they did.

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

Much was unknown about the Colonels final wishes, and many lies and myths have just now been exposed. Much comes down to the ownership of his legacy and where the profits of his company go. I am letting it known, I have obtained a copy of the man's will, and it proven authentic by verification of the siginature on the bottom of the page.

Before now, it was assumed that ownership of KFC and profits from the company went to Colonel Sanders survivng family. This is not so. At first I thought to myself "What a cock! Not leaving his family his legacy!" But after some in-depth research I discovered a shocking truth. The Colonel has no American family, and never did. Though it appeared he lived with a wife and children, there was no such thing. It was all just a front. Sanders assumed people would not want to buy chicken from a restaraunt that has no family values, and is not run by a family man. It is unknown who the people portraying the Sanders family actually were, but it is know they have lived and are still living a wealthy life, to keep the lie alive.

So the question this leaves is:

Why that's a good question, and thank you for asking it. Where DO the profits from KFC go? Well sit right there and I shall give you the answer.

As you know, the Colonel's family is not the Colonel's family. Not to say he does not have a family, it's just not the family we all thought it was. The family that all the profits from KFC go to, are German. They live in Germany. They speak German. They probably eat Bratwurst sausage.

Ignore that last part. There are no "probablys" here. Only facts. They DO eat Bratwurst sausage. Oh, and here's another little fact for you... THEY'RE NAZIS!

Well, Nazis in the sense that the Pope is a Nazi. They lived in Nazi occupied Germany during WWII and resistance to the Nazis was dangerous and difficult, but not impossible. So it is frankly unknown. This does not however detract from the fact that, yes indeed, the multi-billion dollar empire is owned by Germans.

This surprised me at first, but after discovering all I had so far, I figured it's not that far fetched. BUT WAIT! After more RECON work, I found out that the Colonel's baby mama and kids sold the company to another German named Fandich Corder.

It is unknown how much the family settled for, but I can tell you definitively, that it was enough to keep them comfortable for the next five lifetimes, at least.

I tried to find information on Corder but I hit a dead end, and after too long of searching, I have taken a break.

The information I have discovered is too important to keep out of your reach.

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

Here are some little know facts about KFC and Colonel Sanders.

- The 'C' in KFC does not stand for Chicken. It stands for "Colonel". Here is a passage from Sanders' last will and testament.

"As our Lord Jesus said, 'Take, eat; this is my body', you too shall eat my body,

as I am lord of the chicken"

Upon his death (now discovered to be faked), Colonel Sanders body was used as a substitute for chicken. However, this did not last too long, because, hey, he's only one man. To rectify this, cloning technology is used to produce more Kentucky Fried Colonel.

- When alone, the Colonel used to dip his "boys" in the slaw.

- To save on expenses, employees are told to collect the empty Mountain Dew Bottles, which are then refilled with urine. Predicted to save the company 100 billion dollars annually.

- One night after a serious pub session, the Colonel returned home to eat a large bowl of chilli con carne, which he later preceded to vomit into a batch of chicken. Hence, the Hot & Spicy was born.

- The 11 secret herbs and spices are actually just Masterfoods(R) mixed herbs and MSG.

- As revealed in SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER, "He puts and addictive chemical in his chicken, that makes you crave it fortnightly".

- To get the large size potatoes for the chips, they are grown on an old nuclear test site.
UPDATE: The potatoes are now genetically engineered with DNA from the Elephant Man to achieve a

larger size.

- Popcorn Chicken is made from the 'dregs' at the bottom of the fryer.

- The Golden Gaytime Krusher drink is not named that because of the Golden Gaytime icecream...

- In the Colonels Last Will and Testament he stated:

"And when I die, a cartoon of me shall be made to advertise Kentucky Fried Chicken,

so I call piss people off from beyond the grave."

- If you eat KFC twice a week for six months, you will look like this: